


The Lies and The Truths They'd Told

by aolurker



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: Challenge Response, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-21
Updated: 2013-11-21
Packaged: 2018-01-02 06:59:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1053854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aolurker/pseuds/aolurker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The lies and truths in Jane and Maura's relationship (I suck at summaries)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Lies and The Truths They'd Told

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: Written for a fanfic challenge on Tumblr. This challenge was 'Lies'. Part 1 was in response to that, part 2 was a requested follow up to part 1.  
> Notes 2: This one's a little different in style. Just some experimentation.

****

**Part 1:  The Lies They'd Told**

. . . .

" _Would you like to come in?"Maura had asked the question after Jane had insisted on seeing the doctor home after their first night murder scene together._

_Maura remembered how Jane had hesitated at the doctor's question, how the brunette's mouth had opened ever so slightly, as if she was going to accept the offer, as if she was going to come in. But then it had snapped closed and Jane had frowned slightly and pointed half-heartedly back towards her car before giving Maura a small, unreadable smile, "Thank you but… but I should go."_

_Maura smiled tightly back in return, "Of course. I understand."_

_Silence. A beat._

" _I'll see you tomorrow_ _,_ _" Jane had said._

_Maura couldn't quite muster a genuine smile as she gave a quick nod and replied, "Tomorrow."_

. . . .

That's how it had started. Not quite lies. Not quite. But certainly not the whole truth:

Because, yes, Jane did want to come in. There wasn't any real reason she should go.

And because, no, Maura didn't understand why Jane decided to go. Not really.

Of course it was late. Of course they both had to work the next day. Of course they were both uncertain.

Of course they were both scared.

But those were reasonable and responsible considerations at best, really lame excuses at worst.

What they were not was the fundamental truth of the matter: that Jane did want to come in, that Maura didn't understand why the detective didn't.

However, they did see each other tomorrow.

And the next day.

And the next.

But somehow they couldn't seem to overcome those initial lies. It was almost as if the foundation had been laid and they didn't know how to do anything but keep building it up.

. . . .

" _Hey, want to maybe grab dinner tonight after work?"_

_Maura had been surprised by the quietness of the question more than anything else, it felt unexpectedly intimate. "I'd like that very much," Maura smiled._

_Jane had smiled back, "Great!" Maura had been warmed by the smile and the reply. Until a strange expression came over Jane's face and she asked, "It's been a long week for all of us, maybe I should invite Korsak and Frost, too?"_

_Maura tried not to let her face fall too much, forcing a smile, even. "Yes, do. The more the merrier, as they say."_

_Jane's expression had then turned almost as disappointed as Maura felt. "Yeah, I will."_

. . . .

They eventually had graduated to un-chaperoned dinners. Jane eventually went in to Maura's home, even into her bedroom.

Sure, they became more comfortable with each other. But the walls, the lies, between them were still solid.

For the dinners were never acknowledged as dates by either of them. And while Jane might have been physically in Maura's home, she somehow wasn't. She held part of herself back.

. . . .

" _I can't wait to see Casey again tonight."_

_Maura had done her best to smile at Jane's forced excitement, "I'm so happy for you."_

_Jane had just looked at Maura like she didn't understand why Maura would say such a thing. She then smiled a sad smile back and returned to her desk._

. . . .

They both knew the truth. God they knew it. They ached for it.

They wanted each other. They wanted to be together. They wanted it so badly.

They wanted to come in. They wanted to go in.

They wanted in to each.

By this time the lie was one of omission. They had avoided the truth for so long, the avoidance itself had a life of its own.

Neither one could bring themselves to tell the truth they both knew. Neither one could break through their own fears and walls.

Until…

Until they were forced to.

Because they were confronted. Their lie was confronted.

. . . .

" _No."_

_It's what Jane had said to Casey._

. . . .

Maura's heart pounded in her ears. She swallowed hard. "You told him no?"

Jane, expressionless yet somehow the most intense Maura had ever seen her, just nodded.

Maura looked from one of the detective's eyes to the other, trying desperately to read in those eyes what Jane was feeling, what Jane was thinking.

And wondering if she should ask the question or take the easy route and not ask the question.

She decided she was tired of the easy route.

She asked the question.

"Why did you tell him 'no'?"

The ball was now in Jane's court.

Because, really, Maura already knew the answer. They both knew the answer.

The only real question was whether Jane would finally tell the truth.

Or tell another lie, even if by omission, even if by avoidance.

Jane stared at Maura for several more seconds, silent. She opened her mouth to answer.

 

* * *

****

**Part 2:  The Truths They'd Told**

. . . .

" _Your hands are aching."_

_Jane had looked up from the body and over at Maura standing on the other side of the morgue table from her. The detective had then glanced down at her own hands and realized she'd been rubbing the backs of them. If it had been her mother, she would have stopped immediately, shoved her hands in her pockets said no, they were fine. If it had been Korsak she would have shrugged it off saying it was just a nervous habit._

_But it wasn't her mother. It wasn't Korsak._

_It was Maura._

_Jane rubbed them a few more times and then had conceded Maura observation with a soft, "Yeah, a little bit." They'd held each other's gazes a bit longer than necessary, before both of them returned their attention to the body, and the case._

. . . .

That was one of their truths. Both of them were too attuned to the other to bother trying to lie about it. About what was bothering them either physically or emotionally.

And there was an ease in the sharing of the pain. There was a strange absence of vulnerability with each other. Jane didn't have to be the tough, always-ready one with Maura. Maura didn't have to be the stoic put-together one with Jane. There were no such expectations from the other, no need to impress. There was just being who they were.

They weren't sure when that ease had started, maybe it had just always been that way. And they weren't sure why it was the case. In many ways they didn't even realize it on a conscious level. But it was there. The peace. The safety.

. . . .

" _Happy Birthday again, Darling," Constance Isles had hugged her daughter one last time before exiting the front door of Maura's home after the younger Isles' birthday dinner._

" _Happy Birthday, Maura honey," Maura had received another hug, this time from Jane's mom just before the older Rizzoli woman also exited the doctor's home, this time through the back door._

_Maura had thanked and had smiled at both women. A genuine thanks. And a genuine smile. Because she was so very grateful._

" _You're thinking about your birth mother," Jane had said then without preamble as soon as the door had clicked shut._

_Maura had turned around to see the brunette leaning comfortably against the kitchen counter._

_She stared at Jane for just a moment. Maura then had looked over at the picture on the wall before looking back at Jane and nodding, saying softly, "Wondering if she's thinking of me."_

. . . .

Another truth between them. It wasn't exactly that they could see behind the façade they each put up. Because Maura's smiles and her gratitude for the other two moms in her life was genuine; it wasn't a façade. But yet… Jane knew there was more. Jane always knew when there was more.

As time went on and as they spent more time with each other, they just knew more.

They knew each other thoughts.

Knew each other's feelings.

Which made it harder and harder, of course, to hide from those feelings.

. . . .

" _Watching those tapes again… hearing that voice again…" Jane had shuddered once again._

_After waking up from her nightmare alone and scared on her own couch after a day listening to those Hoyt interviews, there had really been only one place for Jane to go._

_Maura's._

_Of course._

_So they shared a coffee or two or three or four. And talked until the sun came up._

_They hadn't talked about Hoyt. They hadn't talked about the case._

_And they hadn't talked about the fact that they were cuddled under the same blanket, facing each other, close enough for their feet to tangle, close enough for Maura to hold Jane's hand or pat her arm sometimes, and close enough for Jane's hand to rest on Maura's knee._

. . . .

Occasions like that were becoming more and more frequent in their lives.

No, they wouldn't talk about the physical proximity or contact.

But both of them were conscious of it.

And both of them were conscious that the other never moved to put any distance between them, to remove or withdraw from the contact.

It was just one more thing forcing them towards their larger truth, the truth that encompassed all these other truths.

. . . .

_Maura's heart leapt into her throat the moment she had opened her front door and seen Jane standing on the other side. And her heart started pounding in her ears when Jane had told her what her answer to Casey had been: no._

. . . .

And that was the final push they finally needed.

An important question put to Jane. And an honest answer from her.

Maura looked from one of the detective's eyes to the other, trying desperately to read in those eyes what Jane was feeling, what Jane was thinking.

And wondering if she should ask the question or take the easy route and not ask the question.

She decided she was tired of the easy route.

So she asked the question.

"Why did you tell him 'no'?"

Jane stared at Maura for several more seconds, silent.

Another important question had been put to her. She intended to give another honest answer.

For she was also tired of the route they were on. It was no longer the easy route.

Jane opened her mouth and answered, "Because I didn't want him, Maura." She paused then and reached out, making physical contact once again, cupping Maura's face with her hand, "I want you," she then whispered.

Maura, not usually at a loss for words, just stared up at the detective, taller in her boots compared to Maura in her slippers.

She didn't know how long she had just stared.

But eventually, she put one of her own hands on top of Jane's.

And she smiled.

"Would you like to come in?" she asked.

Jane smiled back and nodded.

"I would."


End file.
